Saturday, 10 May 2014

Fed Up

After taking a bit of a backwards step or 5, a couple of months back, I am feeling just a tad fed up of not enjoying my life.  I'm sick and tired of making progress, then it falling to shit and going through a period of picking myself up and trying again, all the while feeling like shit.

I am tired of feeling tired all the time.
I am tired of my mood ups and downs, though mostly downs or just meh.
I am tired of having IBS and not being able to eat food without being anxious whether it will make me feel ill or shit and lethargic.
I am tired of feeling anxious.
I am tired of not being able to cope with stress.
I am tired of feeling afraid.
I am tired of being stupidly underweight.
I am tired of having phobias which affect and prohibit my life.
I am tired of my own company.
I am tired of feeling lonely.
I am tired of being able to earn my own money.
I am tired of not really enjoying anything.
I am tired of my life coasting along the bottom.
I am tired of being a procrastinator.
I am tired of feeling frustrated.
I am tired of feeling numb.
I am tired of not having a life.
I feel like a zombie, imprisoned in my head and trapped in the body of a emaciated captive.

I want to be able to wake up feeling refreshed, relaxed and excited about the day.  To be able to just go, take the train to where ever takes my fancy.